This afternoon I did not only witness a murder but instead committed one. I have painstakingly yet successfully killed, dare I say, hundreds of dog fleas. I do not know what it is, perhaps the environment or the weather but my poor dog has been infested with blood sucking little ones that is pure annoying. I bathed my victimized pet followed by almost half an hour of picking, plucking, scrubbing and soaping. I cleared at least 80% of the critters and actually enjoyed watching them fall off and die. Tomorrow and the days after will produce more flea corpse as I plan to bring Taro to the Vet to get a dose of Frontline the newest, most "effective" flea killer there is... yes, I plan to get rid of those tiny devils by making them think they are getting free warm blood and a home without them knowing that they are being.... well, poisoned. Revenge!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!
This afternoon I did not only witness a murder but instead committed one. I have painstakingly yet successfully killed, dare I say, hundreds of dog fleas. I do not know what it is, perhaps the environment or the weather but my poor dog has been infested with blood sucking little ones that is pure annoying. I bathed my victimized pet followed by almost half an hour of picking, plucking, scrubbing and soaping. I cleared at least 80% of the critters and actually enjoyed watching them fall off and die. Tomorrow and the days after will produce more flea corpse as I plan to bring Taro to the Vet to get a dose of Frontline the newest, most "effective" flea killer there is... yes, I plan to get rid of those tiny devils by making them think they are getting free warm blood and a home without them knowing that they are being.... well, poisoned. Revenge!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Bully Professor
Warning: The following article will be countless lines of whining and bitching about a particular professor. May contain indecent notions.
If I were to suggest a full-proof way how to drive someone crazy --- I will recommend sending that person to medical school, and not just any other med school, but my current school. It is bad enough that I am already having trouble with some people in school (something I rather not discuss as it would definitely require an entirely new and different blog) it is even worse to have a professor disrespect you. Few months ago, I was deeply insulted by this certain professor for absolutely no reason. I am humble enough to admit that perhaps we were able to distract this professor in some way during class but if there is one thing we were trained in my nursing school days --- it is the freedom to discuss the topics among yourselves even during class --- it is not like we were talking about the birds and the bees. To that I sing "Hello, hello in a place called vertigo."
Some people would've thought that I overreacted in that certain incident --- what they do not understand is that I have never thought that asking your classmate if vertigo was the same with what is called "swimmer's ear" can be such a big deal. I have never felt more stupid in my life in that very moment. I actually felt the walls closing in. The nerve of this professor to call me and my classmate stupid and irresponsible. I have never allowed myself to feel as stupid as I did that day expect for my father. He does not know me and has absolutely no right to judge me. That is that. I was able to let it go. I told myself to hell with all of them --- the cheaters, the users, self-righteous beings. I entered Med school for one thing only and it is to become the best damn doctor I can be. I am riding a freaking roller coaster with half of the people in the ride trying to push me out or hoping that I would fall. I will not give up. I will surrender. The world is for me to conquer. I am so sick and tired of crying and having anxiety attacks. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown but still I will hold on. I will not back down.
As to my previous post, I am indeed hanging on by a thread and it is getting wispier every second of the day ---- either way I will hold on. Mark my word I will succeed. Today, stupidity and insensitivity attacked once again. I know that according to the Hippocratic oath, we are asked to respect our seniors and those that has bestowed their knowledge upon us --- but does it still count when the other party has absolutely no respect for his/her student. Power tripping and attitude problem are not even enough define the mentality of this professor. One would think that someone of seniority and years in medicine would already know how to screen their thoughts and at least consider the feelings of their students but for this particular professor the flood gates of his amygdala is so widely open that his insensitivity meter goes way beyond irrational transmitters. When a professor gives a student a task or an assignment the first thing the student should asked is when is it expected to be submitted. It is a harmless question that can simply be answered with a day or date. A medical student's schedule is way busier and crazier than the traffic one would find in Manhattan, I strongly believe that strategical scheduling, planning and time management is not only expected but a must. For you doctor professor to answer with such insulting and degrading implications is simply inappropiate. I was not being cocky ---- I was being assertive. Truth be told, YES, I do not want to take the remedial exam --- who does? I say and mark my word "I WILL NOT." I will do everything in the fullest of my capacity to make sure of that. I have been working my ass off to get the grades that I achieved and althought they were not high enough I am still proud as it represents countless nights of sleep deprivation, huge effect on my social life and numbers and numbers of printed pages. I do not understand as to how you can draw pleasure from students failing your subject. You talk so similarly as the joker who giggles in between saying something tragic. It is not and will never be a good manner to joke about other people's failures because even so it does not mean that they are stupid and empty-headed as you seem to think they be.
For my closing remark, I would just like to give a slight insight of what I am feeling inside. "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
If I were to suggest a full-proof way how to drive someone crazy --- I will recommend sending that person to medical school, and not just any other med school, but my current school. It is bad enough that I am already having trouble with some people in school (something I rather not discuss as it would definitely require an entirely new and different blog) it is even worse to have a professor disrespect you. Few months ago, I was deeply insulted by this certain professor for absolutely no reason. I am humble enough to admit that perhaps we were able to distract this professor in some way during class but if there is one thing we were trained in my nursing school days --- it is the freedom to discuss the topics among yourselves even during class --- it is not like we were talking about the birds and the bees. To that I sing "Hello, hello in a place called vertigo."
Some people would've thought that I overreacted in that certain incident --- what they do not understand is that I have never thought that asking your classmate if vertigo was the same with what is called "swimmer's ear" can be such a big deal. I have never felt more stupid in my life in that very moment. I actually felt the walls closing in. The nerve of this professor to call me and my classmate stupid and irresponsible. I have never allowed myself to feel as stupid as I did that day expect for my father. He does not know me and has absolutely no right to judge me. That is that. I was able to let it go. I told myself to hell with all of them --- the cheaters, the users, self-righteous beings. I entered Med school for one thing only and it is to become the best damn doctor I can be. I am riding a freaking roller coaster with half of the people in the ride trying to push me out or hoping that I would fall. I will not give up. I will surrender. The world is for me to conquer. I am so sick and tired of crying and having anxiety attacks. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown but still I will hold on. I will not back down.
As to my previous post, I am indeed hanging on by a thread and it is getting wispier every second of the day ---- either way I will hold on. Mark my word I will succeed. Today, stupidity and insensitivity attacked once again. I know that according to the Hippocratic oath, we are asked to respect our seniors and those that has bestowed their knowledge upon us --- but does it still count when the other party has absolutely no respect for his/her student. Power tripping and attitude problem are not even enough define the mentality of this professor. One would think that someone of seniority and years in medicine would already know how to screen their thoughts and at least consider the feelings of their students but for this particular professor the flood gates of his amygdala is so widely open that his insensitivity meter goes way beyond irrational transmitters. When a professor gives a student a task or an assignment the first thing the student should asked is when is it expected to be submitted. It is a harmless question that can simply be answered with a day or date. A medical student's schedule is way busier and crazier than the traffic one would find in Manhattan, I strongly believe that strategical scheduling, planning and time management is not only expected but a must. For you doctor professor to answer with such insulting and degrading implications is simply inappropiate. I was not being cocky ---- I was being assertive. Truth be told, YES, I do not want to take the remedial exam --- who does? I say and mark my word "I WILL NOT." I will do everything in the fullest of my capacity to make sure of that. I have been working my ass off to get the grades that I achieved and althought they were not high enough I am still proud as it represents countless nights of sleep deprivation, huge effect on my social life and numbers and numbers of printed pages. I do not understand as to how you can draw pleasure from students failing your subject. You talk so similarly as the joker who giggles in between saying something tragic. It is not and will never be a good manner to joke about other people's failures because even so it does not mean that they are stupid and empty-headed as you seem to think they be.
For my closing remark, I would just like to give a slight insight of what I am feeling inside. "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
Friday, January 30, 2009
All Systems Down
There is something I'm feeling inside, a thought I cannot express. I want to shout at the top of my lungs and let it all go yet feel it would only be a waste because nobody will be hearing me anyways. I feel like I am literally hanging on by a thread --- a thread that gets wispier every minute of the day. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown --- nobody even knows it. I smile, at least I try to. I laugh to cover up for the sadness that's slowly drowning me. I try to hide all the pain. I try to make people believe that I am strong and that I am okay but I have absolutely no idea how much longer am I going to hold. There is a certain type of unfamiliar energy shifting inside me, a stabbing chest pain that is literally digging deeper and deeper. I don't know what to do. I have no idea who to talk to. I am scared of the lingering thoughts that's floating inside my head. Sometimes I wonder, am I more scared of the fact that I may one day possibly hurt my self intentionally or that if I actually did ---- would anybody even notice? Probably.... not.
I look at a knife and think of about a hundred ways how to hurt myself with it. As I drive during the night and get blinded by the headlights of incoming cars, I actually wish it would hit me. Crash, burn and if I'm lucky... die. It may not be an ideal way to get rid of the pain but it sure is hell better than the one I'm feeling right now.
I have a vision --- a picture, an image or an analogy, for some people a clue. I am standing in the middle of a train station and everybody else around me knows exactly where their going. I hop into a cart, it felt good. Everybody kept telling me not to but I still did. Nobody seems to think it's a good idea, nobody thinks I can do it. I know exactly where to go now --- the question is am I riding the right train? Dagger looks goes my way, my hands are starting to shake. I try to find a seat but can't find the right one. Nothing seems right. Angry wolves are around me about ready to pounce. I can't let my guards down now. I just need to do what I have to, perform the best way I could. I have something to prove and I want to fight for it. Someone keeps calling my name telling me to step out of the train. I will never be good enough, I cannot do it. Everyday I wish someone would ask me about the day --- nobody does. Nobody cares if I'm doing well in the train. My tongue slipped out an information --- something that expressed how well I was doing in the train. One of the best some might say. I felt really proud of myself, I was thinking yehey and all I got was "that's it?" like it didn't even mean anything. How stupid of me to think, I'm even worth listening to that I'm even worth paying attetntion to. Time is money babes, don't waste it. In the train, the wolves, the wolves around me are trying to push me out. I stayed. I'm still in the same train. Just a few more years, I tell myself. If I jump out now. Where will I go? nobody will support me. The nagging of "I told you so keeps ringing in my ears." I will hold on. I need to get where to my destination no matter what. Never mind all the cutting, the bruises, the pain, the traitors, the users, the posers, the big bad wold pulling my hair and strangling my neck. I need to survive --- I have nowhere else to go. I look at myself in the mirror and I see --- nothing. Strip off the name, strip off the clothes, strip off everything and all one would see are wounds. Tearing up is not even good... it feels like an acid grazing my pride. One of these days, I am going to go 'poof' and damn I'm lucky if anybody would even care.
I look at a knife and think of about a hundred ways how to hurt myself with it. As I drive during the night and get blinded by the headlights of incoming cars, I actually wish it would hit me. Crash, burn and if I'm lucky... die. It may not be an ideal way to get rid of the pain but it sure is hell better than the one I'm feeling right now.
I have a vision --- a picture, an image or an analogy, for some people a clue. I am standing in the middle of a train station and everybody else around me knows exactly where their going. I hop into a cart, it felt good. Everybody kept telling me not to but I still did. Nobody seems to think it's a good idea, nobody thinks I can do it. I know exactly where to go now --- the question is am I riding the right train? Dagger looks goes my way, my hands are starting to shake. I try to find a seat but can't find the right one. Nothing seems right. Angry wolves are around me about ready to pounce. I can't let my guards down now. I just need to do what I have to, perform the best way I could. I have something to prove and I want to fight for it. Someone keeps calling my name telling me to step out of the train. I will never be good enough, I cannot do it. Everyday I wish someone would ask me about the day --- nobody does. Nobody cares if I'm doing well in the train. My tongue slipped out an information --- something that expressed how well I was doing in the train. One of the best some might say. I felt really proud of myself, I was thinking yehey and all I got was "that's it?" like it didn't even mean anything. How stupid of me to think, I'm even worth listening to that I'm even worth paying attetntion to. Time is money babes, don't waste it. In the train, the wolves, the wolves around me are trying to push me out. I stayed. I'm still in the same train. Just a few more years, I tell myself. If I jump out now. Where will I go? nobody will support me. The nagging of "I told you so keeps ringing in my ears." I will hold on. I need to get where to my destination no matter what. Never mind all the cutting, the bruises, the pain, the traitors, the users, the posers, the big bad wold pulling my hair and strangling my neck. I need to survive --- I have nowhere else to go. I look at myself in the mirror and I see --- nothing. Strip off the name, strip off the clothes, strip off everything and all one would see are wounds. Tearing up is not even good... it feels like an acid grazing my pride. One of these days, I am going to go 'poof' and damn I'm lucky if anybody would even care.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Yuletide Holiday Summary
Yuletide season has come and passed once again and if I have to rate yuletide 'o8 --- I will give it 8 out of 10. More than average but not perfect but mostly only because we were not complete as a family. We sure missed and wished our Achie and her beau could have come home along with the whole family including cousins, uncles and aunts. Christmas and New Years used to mean big family celebration with people laughing loud every corner of the house with kids running around, digging in to lots and lots of food the whole night, going to mass and what I miss most is playing "child" games such as patentero or doctor kwak kwak even in our heels, polo and dresses. Nevertheless, I have no right to complain because this year's celebration, in its own way, was a feast indeed.
For Christmas eve --- food was bountiful, complete with deffrerent types of salad (courtesy of yours truly), ice cream, cakes and everything. Kids, including Xander and Dom, themselves were enough to fiil the house with noise top it off with Taro boy (my dog). Big kids especially the boys enjoyed a hand of 50 peso per 20 chips poker game. The traditional asaran and lokohan of course was still there - this time it was Anne who was grilled like it is always. Although I was able to complete the Simbang gabi from the 16th to 24th, we were not able to attend the Aguinaldo mass. One, we knew we weren't gong to appreciate it anyway seeing how so many people were going to mass - we decided to attend the next day, Christmas. Two, basically the boys were too busy playing poker. Even Kong-kong (grandpa) played a hand, since he was winning the game at first we were teasing him that he was only getting back the ampaw they gave. When the clock striked 12, opening of gifts was next --- I love every single gift I got. Test messages started pouring in, thanks for all those who greeted for my birthday.
On actual Christmas day, we woke up late as expected. We attended mass in the afternoon and had dinner in Matutina's with the whole family for Ahma's 84th birthday celebration and my 24th's. FOOD was once again the focal part of the celebration. Comes the 26th, it was my younger brother's turn turn celebrate his birthday --- it was a busy night for Pizza Hut having to serve the whole family.
Most of the Christmas days were spent at home with people lounging actually bumming around playing all sorts of board games such as Monopoly (it feels good to be a millionaire, baby) or Pictionary (Dichi drawing a mouth which was suppose to mean shut up for the word "shutter" was the highlight of the game. Best comedy was when I had to draw a Pigtail at one game when I was wearing a pajama with pigs all over). Mind you, it was also during these days that my books were hostaged and I was strictly forbidden to study. Thank my lucky stars - actualy to the new 37" LCD televeision, people were destructed and I was finally able to read on Physiology (I can be such a geek at times).
NEW YEAR's eve was the best and most fun. There were FOOD, FOOD and more FOOD. YUM! After dinner, we played Pictionary and Poker once again (I lost 50 bucks, it's good Kong-kong gave us ampau). Around 11, it was fireworks all the way. It's tradition, which even at its costly price, will always be present. More than the 'fun' it gives for the Chinese it means more --- it is our way of driving and scaring away the bad spirits that might come our way this year. Highlight of the night though was not on the great firework displays nor was it on the meters-long rapid... it was party poppers and coin showers!
Feel free to check out this link:
http://anneyuch.multiply.com/video/item/2/Party_Poppers_and_Coin-Picking_on_a_New_Year
We played around in the shower of confetti and later on busy picking coins showered by my dad... i'm such a loser I got no more than 100 pesos, some got as much as 200. =0
Hope next year, more family will get to come home and spend Christmas with us!
For Christmas eve --- food was bountiful, complete with deffrerent types of salad (courtesy of yours truly), ice cream, cakes and everything. Kids, including Xander and Dom, themselves were enough to fiil the house with noise top it off with Taro boy (my dog). Big kids especially the boys enjoyed a hand of 50 peso per 20 chips poker game. The traditional asaran and lokohan of course was still there - this time it was Anne who was grilled like it is always. Although I was able to complete the Simbang gabi from the 16th to 24th, we were not able to attend the Aguinaldo mass. One, we knew we weren't gong to appreciate it anyway seeing how so many people were going to mass - we decided to attend the next day, Christmas. Two, basically the boys were too busy playing poker. Even Kong-kong (grandpa) played a hand, since he was winning the game at first we were teasing him that he was only getting back the ampaw they gave. When the clock striked 12, opening of gifts was next --- I love every single gift I got. Test messages started pouring in, thanks for all those who greeted for my birthday.
On actual Christmas day, we woke up late as expected. We attended mass in the afternoon and had dinner in Matutina's with the whole family for Ahma's 84th birthday celebration and my 24th's. FOOD was once again the focal part of the celebration. Comes the 26th, it was my younger brother's turn turn celebrate his birthday --- it was a busy night for Pizza Hut having to serve the whole family.
Most of the Christmas days were spent at home with people lounging actually bumming around playing all sorts of board games such as Monopoly (it feels good to be a millionaire, baby) or Pictionary (Dichi drawing a mouth which was suppose to mean shut up for the word "shutter" was the highlight of the game. Best comedy was when I had to draw a Pigtail at one game when I was wearing a pajama with pigs all over). Mind you, it was also during these days that my books were hostaged and I was strictly forbidden to study. Thank my lucky stars - actualy to the new 37" LCD televeision, people were destructed and I was finally able to read on Physiology (I can be such a geek at times).
NEW YEAR's eve was the best and most fun. There were FOOD, FOOD and more FOOD. YUM! After dinner, we played Pictionary and Poker once again (I lost 50 bucks, it's good Kong-kong gave us ampau). Around 11, it was fireworks all the way. It's tradition, which even at its costly price, will always be present. More than the 'fun' it gives for the Chinese it means more --- it is our way of driving and scaring away the bad spirits that might come our way this year. Highlight of the night though was not on the great firework displays nor was it on the meters-long rapid... it was party poppers and coin showers!
Feel free to check out this link:
http://anneyuch.multiply.com/video/item/2/Party_Poppers_and_Coin-Picking_on_a_New_Year
We played around in the shower of confetti and later on busy picking coins showered by my dad... i'm such a loser I got no more than 100 pesos, some got as much as 200. =0
Hope next year, more family will get to come home and spend Christmas with us!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Chanson
(by Jacques Prévert)
Quel jour sommes-nous?
Nous sommes tous les jours
Mon amie
Nous sommes toute la vie
Mon amour
Nous nous aimons et nous vivons
Nous vivons et nous nous aimons
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que la vie
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que le jour
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que l'amour.
(by Jacques Prévert)
Quel jour sommes-nous?
Nous sommes tous les jours
Mon amie
Nous sommes toute la vie
Mon amour
Nous nous aimons et nous vivons
Nous vivons et nous nous aimons
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que la vie
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que le jour
Et nous ne savons pas ce que c'est que l'amour.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Breaking Free
Winter is almost finished,
Pretty soon we won’t
need fire in the furnace.
We won’t have to
stand the misty cold,
We can even bare to
be bold.
Sad days are over,
No need to loather.
Our hearts can be
happy,
Free to dance like a
monkey.
Hold on to your
aspirations,
Don’t be afraid to
make your own decisions.
Enjoy the feeling of
being free from restrictions,
Life is too short
hesitations.
== Yuletide season ==
Suicide Note
I woke up today with my head feeling it was about to explode.
My eyes were so soar and red, looked like a tomato popped
out my head.
I closed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, thinking I
feel so bad it felt better to be dead.
I opened my eyes again with my world still looking the same,
I wanted to shut my brain and made sure I stay sane.
I thought of the beach and imagined the purple-orange sky,
for it was the one place I always felt so high.
I don’t know what to say, for the reason I don’t know what’s
wrong.
Heck, it still must be something especially now that I’m
rhyming.
It’s funny how people are always trying, believing in
positive thinking.
It is like they stopped realizing that they are actually
born with pessimism, and all their hopes and dreams
are barely a silver lining.
I must be losing my mind, I must be going insane.
I want to know who I am so bad that I’m standing in the
rain.
In this world where blue is blue and red is red,
There is no place for someone like me who challenges
everything that is said.
I want to go to a place where I can only be me, a place
where I define my own sense of reality.
A place where I can say that yellow is green and blue is
red, after all I can’t remember anybody telling me
that the world is exactly the way it is said.
And now I have to stop rhyming since I am heavily bleeding,
Sorry that I have to stop this poem and enjoy the feeling of
dying.
I know how it looks like especially with all this cutting,
But what can I do, this for me is the true sense of living.
— Found this note stuck in my book called "Prozac Nation." I wrote it sometime in 2003 or early 2004. It was a bad year for me but heck I’m still standing.
P.S.
Don’t worry no attempts of suicides will be committed by the author anytime in this century.
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